Welcome to Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy! I am an ICEEFT certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist – (International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focussed Therapy).
“Underneath all the distress, partners are asking each other: Can I count on you? Are you there for me? Will you respond to me when I need, when I call? Do I matter to you? Am I valued and accepted by you? Do you need me, rely on me?”
Dr. Sue Johnson
You are here because you want to have a more supportive, trusting, and loving relationship with your partner.
Are you tired and scared of having this kind of conversation with your partner?
“You always walk away, I can’t talk to you.” “Talking with you is dangerous, I seem to make everything worse, you always get upset and mad at me.” “We are not intimate anymore, you don’t even touch me, you don’t care about me anymore.” “I feel criticized, honestly I don’t think you respect me at all, nothing I do is right for you, I don’t know what to do!” “I can’t stand ‘I don’t know’ anymore, you don’t care about me at all.” “This is ridiculous, I’m going out, don’t call me!”
Couples Counseling Can Help You To:
- understand your own and your partner’s emotions
- understand the emotions that fuel your behaviors
- understand your pursuing and withdrawing behavior is the coping strategy that has gotten you stuck
- identify the repeating negative cycles
- change conversation
- discover new ways to connect and to find deeper intimacy
- create safety and security for better communication
- establish permanent change through positive relational tools
- Please visit http://drsuejohnson.com for more information on the EFT model.
“Vulnerability is not just about hurting. It is about openness. Our openness to being affected by one another, for better and for worse, is at the core of our interconnectedness. Because we are vulnerable, we feel pain-not only our own pain, but the pain of others.”
– Miriam Greenspan
My approach to couples therapy
Why Attachment matters:
I work with a strategy called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), which was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. EFT is based on attachment theory. Attachment is relevant to all humans. Because we are human, we want to belong and we have a strong longing for connection. When these longings aren’t met, we run into pain and fear, which automatically triggers the fight-or-flight response. In these frantic moments, we end up interacting in ways that leave us feeling disconnected and lonely.
Emotions EFT focuses on the emotional bond between couples. Emotions contain the message of needs, and motivation to act. EFT uses emotion as a primary source of information to the self and to others about needs and motives. Research shows that when we know our partner is accessible, responsive, and engaged we feel secure. When we have a secure connection, we can be a resource for each other. When we are afraid, anxious, hurt, or distressed, this secure connection helps us take care of other daily challenges, like doing daily tasks, problem-solving, and parenting issues. I will help you to know how to deal with your emotions and how to interact and connect with each other.
Check out these links to understand EFT: